Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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