no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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