its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
