It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
