Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
