you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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