you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
