Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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