Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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