i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
