On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it because I queefed?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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