Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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