my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
