Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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