Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
