i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
