i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
