im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
