Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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