im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
