used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
