More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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