why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
