12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
