i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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