Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
