I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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