Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
