take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
