Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
