Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
