Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
