Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
