my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
