my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
