4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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