Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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