I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
