yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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