problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
