I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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