I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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