Say something about gay babies.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
