i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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