Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
