he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize