Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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