I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
