Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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