If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to make a zoo with you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
