Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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