Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
