i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
