how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize