On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
