I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
