and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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