Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
