Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
