i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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