After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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