And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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