Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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