He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was like getting head from an anaconda
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
