20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
