he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wow bdsm is so cute
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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