Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
