I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
