I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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