toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
